WHAT IS ENOUGH TO STAY MARRIED?

WHAT IS ENOUGH TO STAY MARRIED? 

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Marriage is the legal relationship and a delicate union between two persons entirely from two different backgrounds, upon agreement, to live together as husband and wife.

When people get married, it starts off with the same destination in mind. We all want to live happily ever after. But along the line, couples do feel paralyzed with hopelessness because of the challenges involved in marriage. 

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but reality won't hit you until you're into it. When you eat to feed your appetite, it will cost your health, when you eat to feed your body, it will earn you good health. The problem about people going into marriage is that, people are consumed about how they want their wedding to be, spending millions to reach its fullness. These are fortunes people don't spend on developing themselves to be who they really want to be in the marriage. 

Allow me to share with you some of the couples who spent liberally and astronomically on their weddings, which eventually ended up in divorce. I will start from the lowest to the highest. 

15. Mariah Carey and Tommy Mottola. $500,000. Married 19:93 and divorced 19:97. 

14. Tori Spelling and Charlie Shahnaian, $1 million. Married 2004 and divorced 2006. 

13. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, $1 million. Married 2000, divorced 2005. 

12. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, $1 million. Married 2009, divorced 2015. 

11. Madonna and Guy Ritchie, $1.5 million. Married 2000, divorced 2008. 

10. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, $1.5 million. Married 2004, Divorced 2010. 

9. Eddie Murphy and Nicole Mitchell, $1.5 million. Married 19:93, divorced 2006. 

8. Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky, $1.5 million. Married 19:91, divorced 19:96. 

7. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, $2 million. Married 2005, divorced 2011. 

6. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, $3 million. Married 2006, divorced 2012. 

5. Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, $2.5 million. Married 2007, divorced 2011. 

4. Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, $3 million. Married 2002, divorced 2008. 

3. Liza Minnelli and David Gest, $3.5 million. Married 2002, divorced 2007. 

2. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, $10 million. Married 2011, divorced 2013. 

1. Prince Charles and Princess Diana, $110 million. Married 19:81, divorced 19:96.

The list should humble you enough that money is not enough to stay married. 

Marriage is harder than what you were told, and it can be the most beautiful thing ever happened to you. Marriage is not without the power that fuels unhappiness when the reality in it hits you so hard. It can as well pump life into your heartbeat when you're married to someone who truly understands you well. Then if marriages are crashing year in and year out, what is enough to stay married?

I think it is better to start by asking, what is not enough to stay married? 

Love is not enough to keep marriage without money. Likewise, money is never enough without love. If you betray love because of money, I learnt you will end up losing both. And as money and love is not enough, neither is poverty nor faithful devotion will keep your marriage. 

It is easier to decide about the future of your marriage when you're in courtship than in marriage. The moment it is called marriage, working things out becomes harder. This is because, in courtship, it is important to ensure you both get into difficult conversation before it ends in marriage. Courtship reveals what is not good for you, but marriage reveals what you're meant to endure.

The terrible mistakes many people make is to think of other people's marriage as a perfect union. This is largely common with pastors. Pastors don't make it look like they even have quarrels with their spouses at home. All that we see them display is the lovey-dovey kind of love that conceals whatever crises that may be going on in the marriage. 

I'm not saying pastors should mount the pulpit and table before the congregation every issue they are passing through in the marriage. I'm only saying it is fair enough to make their own pain educational for people they are shepherding. Hence, they can learn from how you overcame and still sticking together in spite of all odds.

One of my friends shared with me a few years ago when he visited his pastor about the challenges he had been facing with his wife in the marriage. Unfortunately, he was dismayed with what he saw on getting there. 

There was a serous misunderstanding between the pastor and the wife, and the anger was so intense that the pastor hit his wife with the devotional book he was reading out of rage in the presence of my friend. He outrightly lost it. Pastors are human. And don't get it twisted, they do face storms too.

In marriage, you need to look beyond love because you must ask, is this the person who is going to make sense at all different phases of this journey? Many married couples ended up together as husband and wife based on their feelings for each other. Unfortunately, feelings will never be reliable because feelings change significantly and can unexpectedly drop dead.

No marriage fails overnight, it would have been in the build up since courtship. This reminds me of a lady who was pregnant before she married. The mother was an elder in the church, and she had to do everything possible to rush the wedding. She had to find a girdle to compress the pregnancy to make her pregnancy look flat because it was a church wedding. 

If your spouse could go that far to fool GOD and her pastor, who are you not to be ridiculed with lies in the marriage? Marriage cracks daily before it crashes into ruins, not overnight. It starts over time by letting resentment build between you and your spouse over issues that are not managed or resolved well.

There are people who will do everything well to prepare for their marriage shortcomings. Most often, the part that crashes marriage is the part we do not prepare for. In-laws can be difficult to manage and if they are given enough power, they can help you destroy your marriage. 

There are in-laws who are more lethal than Marburg virus and as ruthless as Bubonic Plague. It's better off to conjoin with a difficult spouse than to yoke into coexistence with direful in-laws. Who your spouse will be more loyal to will matter at the end.

There's no one particular thing that can keep you in your marriage. I mean, there's no formula to apply that will automatically make your marriage work, marriage works through thick and thin. The most difficult part of marriage is that, it takes two to make it work. You will never make your marriage work on your own. 

If you really want to help your marriage, you can start by looking out for things like this in your marriage, 

1. An ability to tolerate feeling disappointed by your spouse. 

2. An ability to apologize and take responsibility for the way your actions affect your spouse.

3. Knowing that choosing to stay and fight for your marriage together is worth it.

4. Accepting the fact that your marriage will take some work, and a certain amount of time should be invested in them.

5. Staying true and truthful.

6. The ability to forgive no matter how difficult. 

You won't find in only one book to learn everything about marriage. Likewise, you won't get in my podcast everything you need to know and understand about your marriage. That is why it is important to read as well books on marriage. And whatever you can lay your hands on about marriage will be helpful to read or listen to. 

There is only one great insurance policy that can guarantee the survival of any cyclone that may hover around your marriage, it is simple, make GOD the center of your home.

May you find the grace to forgive the unforgivable in your marriage. Amen.